A reader recently asked, me, “What do you do when a girl leaves you on read?”
On “read” is the indication you receive on social media, or text, when someone has seen your message, read it, but hasn’t replied yet.
On certain apps “read” appears as a blue check mark, a star, or some other symbol. On other apps there is no indication that your message, or text, has been read.
Personally, being ghosted or left or read drives me nuts. It feels like the equivalent of getting the silent treatment. That’s what my dad used to do to me when he was mad. It’s especially worse when you like that person, and feel like being left on read is deliberately disrespectful.
Here’s what not to do when a girl leaves you on read
- Do NOT go buy an AR-15, hit the mall and go on GTA style killing spree.
- Do NOT make purple drank and get so pissed you can’t remember your own name.
- Do NOT sign up for a military deployment in the Middle East
And definitely do NOT send her a whole bunch of needy, weird, psychotic, overly emotional messages begging, pleading, or shaming her into returning your messages.
Because that never works, and I’ll explain why.
Your Brain – The “What If” Machine
This is an especially worse trait in men.
We are habitual problem solvers. Our brains are designed to ask “What if?”
That’s how we invented everything from the toaster, to the Internet. It’s how we managed to explore the world, the oceans and outer space.
- What if I climbed that mountain?
- What if I approached that beautiful girl?
- What if I added maple syrup to my hamburger?
But our “What if” tendencies are also meant to protect us. So it creates fictional, hypothetical simulations.
- “What if I get lost in the forest?”
- “What if I eat something and it makes me sick?”
- “What if she left me on read because she thinks I’m ugly and have weird teeth?”
Our “what if” can be helpful, but it can also cause us to overanalyze, and misdiagnose. Most of don’t know what to text a girl. So it’s best not to, whenever possible.
Misdiagnosing “Left on Read.”
Once there was a girl I was super excited about. We were texting, and I figured it was in the bag. We were going to bang. And then after one of my messages, she just stopped replying.
An hour went by, three more hours went by, and I sent this message:
That’s it. Just a question mark, which is my goto left on read message.
Still, a day later and no reply. I just lost it. I sent this:
“I get that you have a super busy life, but I don’t appreciate being ghosted.”
Another day went by, and I kept thinking about that last message I’d sent, and how it was a bad text to send. Why wasn’t she texting me back, I thought. “What if she’s found another guy? What if she’s found my blog? What if…?”
So, I sent her another text:
“Okay, forget about it. I’ve got better things to do as well.”
That evening she finally replied. “Uhhh, bro. I was on a road trip, out of cell range.”
Yeah, we didn’t bang. That was the last text she ever sent me.
Neediness Repulses Women
Imagine you’re a girl, and you meet a cute guy. He seems nice, so you give him your contact, and go out for coffee with him. He’s sort of funny, and cool, so you let him kiss you. The date goes well and you agree to hang out again.
Then the next day, he texts you, and wants to hang out again, but you’re busy with classes. So the next day he texts you again, but you tell him you’re still busy, and will be for a few weeks.
The guy starts bargaining with you.
He doesn’t seem to take no for an answer.
He then show up at your apartment with flowers, at two am, apologizing.
You ask him to leave you alone, and he does, for a day, and then starts texting you hourly, until you block him, and eventually have to get a restraining order.
Something like this has happened to almost every attractive woman. Don’t believe me? Ask a few. They almost all have stories of creeps, psychos, needy men and even stalkers.
So when a girl leaves you on read, and you start texting her all sorts of needy shit, her “psycho” alarms go off.
Because most women are conflict adverse, rather than telling you that your behaviour is a turn off, they just ghost you.
The Best Strategy For If She Leaves You On Read
Your best strategy is to do nothing.
Do not send any messages, texts, pings, snaps, or tweets for a week. Let her come to you.
Girls are like cats. If you chase them, they run. But you start to work on your laptop, and they sit on your keyboard.
Find something else to occupy your mind, and time. Don’t let something like a girl not texting you back, drive you to the brink of insanity.
I get it, you’ve had a good time with her. Maybe you feel a connection, or even love. But you don’t know why she’s not replying yet, and you won’t until she decides it’s the right time for her to message you.
Last Resort When She’s Not Texting Back
If you’re really, really desperate to send her another message… which I highly advise you don’t, make it a funny meme.
Find a cat pic, a Unicorn meme, or something that will make her laugh. Then maybe you’ll get a lol out of her. Laughter is the best way to a woman’s heart.
If you send her a meme and she still doesn’t reply… don’t freak out and send her any more needy messages.
Be the opposite of needy. Go work on your blog, your motorcycle, or learn Kung Fu. Even better, go out and meet more girls. Tinder if you have to.
Just do not make yourself look like a fool, just because a girl leaves you on read.
The Inner Game of Texting
Texting is a skill set, just like any other.
My own personal philosophy of texting is this:
The only purpose of texting, is to get her to meet up in real life.
If she leaves you on read, then it’s pretty much impossible to get her to meet you. But, if you over text, mess up your texts, or get needy, then you’re guaranteed to never meet her.
Here are 5 texting mistakes you’re probably making.
It’s a Texting Paradox.
This isn’t a “how to text her” guide. Maybe I’ll write something like this in the future. Honestly, it’s a really boring subject for me.
But if you want to meet the girl, then this must be your focus. To get her to meet you. Nothing else matters.
- Send short messages
- Avoid humor (It’s usually misinterpreted)
- Aim for a meetup