The idea of being vulnerable with someone I am attracted to feels out of reach.

I just feel like such a failure and broken. I want love and want to give love. I want to know what it’s like to be in a real relationship. And this feeling has been awaken by someone I met at work. We no longer work together, and I miss him so much. And I can’t seem to ever put a risk out there. I just let it die. He told me some things that showed vulnerability, and I just couldn’t get there. I have done therapy, and it never gets me to get better in this region of my life.

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I talked to him, 3 weeks since I last saw him. I wished I had the courage just to message him. Tell him I miss him, and I wished I could explain why I froze up around him. I have anxiety, and my fight/flight response is freeze. Guys always give up on me I feel since I appear so damaged. Maybe I have waited to long to respond. Maybe I am just too broken, and I will be like my neighbor, who’s in her 60’s, never married, and just tends to her garden.

So has the moment passed, have I wrecked it, and I need to just move on?

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