Living together may be an exciting idea but you will quickly discover that it brings its own set of problems. It takes time to settle in and adapt to your partner’s unique habits. Relationship dynamics are often affected by moving in together. There are compromises to be made but you do not want to lose your individuality in the process. If you stop being your own person, then a room of secrets will start to form.
A room of secrets is the space where you keep your habits and intimate things, which irritates your partner. It is furnished with all the little details you have changed to keep your partner happy but that makes up a large part of your personality. This may be something as silly as no longer watching a favorite TV series because your partner doesn’t like it, or no longer taking part in your favorite hobby.
Consequences of a Room of Secrets
Sometimes in a relationship, this room starts to get crowded, especially if your partner starts to force you into living a certain way. The relationship can start to feel like an obligation and be filled with threats. When this happens, you may start to change your habits to please your partner. In the process, you will lose your own identity and become unhappy. No couple is perfect and everyone has their own issues. Some compromises along the way will be necessary but this will come from both parties. You should not let go of your own happiness simply to please your partner. A relationship should be filled with unconditional love and acceptance of a person.
A big part of the room of secrets is the psychological violence which paints its walls. Fear is a driver for psychological violence and is destructive to any person. Often the victim will start to worry about their partner’s mental reaction to something that has been done. This fear starts to include potential abuse or violence. As a result, you may give up what you want simply to not provoke your partner. This makes you more vulnerable and your partner will exploit the situation. A major problem with the room of secrets is that you will lose your voice and your partner will start to speak for you. It will lower your self-confidence and make you dependent on the other person.
Read More: Do’s & Don’ts of Keeping Secrets In Relationship
To be your own person requires escaping from the room of secrets. This can be very hard to do and may cause even more unhappiness at the beginning. Firstly, you have to recognize the situation and realize you are no longer your own person. Make a conscious decision to identify the things you are hiding in your room of secrets. You may think that it was your choice to hide these aspects of your life but in reality, it was due to coercion from your partner. Explore this idea for each thing you are hiding. As long as your hidden items cannot limit your partner’s freedom, then there is no reason why they should be locked up.
You need to let the room of secrets see light if you want to live without fear. Show this side of you to your partner and try to find a compromise. Real love will accept even strange things in your life. If you are too afraid to leave the room then you are in a dangerous relationship. Talk to a close friend or family member about the issues and try to get their help in coming up with a plan. You may also want to seek professional help. A room of secrets is nothing to feel ashamed about. You need to open the door and let your partner see your true side for your relationship to work. You can visit GoMarry.com for more tips on how to improve your relationship.