Push Energy vs Pull Energy in Dating

Posted by Sandy Weiner in love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

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Do you have push energy or pull energy in dating? Watch this video to learn the difference, so you can attract the men you like.

You’ve been messaging a guy on a dating site or app, and he takes several days to respond. Do you get impatient? Do you assume he’s not interested and unmatched him? Or do you write something snarky like, ‘Where’d you go?’

Here’s another scenario: you’ve been on an amazing first date with a guy, and he says he had a great time, I’ll call you. You don’t hear from him for a week. What do you do? Write to him and tell him you’d love to see him again, what’s a good day/time to get together?

Push Energy vs Pull Energy

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If you can relate to either of these situations, you have what I call ‘push energy’ in dating. You want something to happen. You get upset when a man doesn’t take enough initiative or move as quickly as you want.

‘Push energy’ works well in the workplace

We get things done, make things happen, win the deal, produce, and move forward in our careers. We know what to do to be successful at work.

But these same skills don’t work as well in dating. What we need more of is ‘pull energy’. When you’re confident and present, you’re not thinking of the future. You’re not making up stories or assumptions about a guy. You’re not trying to force a relationship or get impatient when he doesn’t respond to your texts.

‘Pull energy’ is about connecting with a man when we’re in our power

We don’t try to force things. We show up with our standards and values, and with our knowledge of what we must have for a relationship to work.

We speak our truth, and if a man is not willing to put in the same investment as we are, we move on.

‘Push energy’ is trying to prove we’re the right woman for him. It’s trying to impress him by making a five-course meal when we hardly know each other. It’s being aggressive instead of assertive and telling him how we really feel. It’s about always being the planner, taking charge and becoming resentful if he’s not stepping up.

This is a call for you to step out of ‘push energy’ and into ‘pull energy’. When you stop trying so hard, you’ll become happier with yourself and far more attractive to the right man. You’ll pull him in rather than try to fix him, change him, or force him to do anything.

Let go of control. Your presence is enough to captivate the right man.

Here’s an exercise to help you transition from ‘push energy to ‘pull energy’:

  1. Release the stress of the day: Close your eyes, and breathe in calm, breathe out stress. Every time a stressful thought comes in, breathe it out until you feel centered and calm.
  2. Fill your heart with love: Now that you’re calm, focus on your heart, and begin breathing into the spaces around your heart. Imagine your heart surrounded by a color that represents love. Allow that color to embrace your heart and pulsate out into the rest of your body until you feel it radiating into every pore.
  3. Notice what’s present: With your open heart, start to engage your senses. Feel the temperature of the air going in and out of your nose and mouth. Listen for sounds near and far. Touch your clothing, your skin, your hair, and become aware of the sensation. Open your eyes and look at something. Keep focusing until your gaze softens.
  4. Open your heart to love: In this state of being fully present, you are not lamenting the past or planning for the future. You are here, experiencing the beauty of the present moment.

Congratulations! You have shifted out of your head and into your heart and are ready to create a heart-to-heart connection. In this state of ‘pull energy’, you are authentically YOU, without the love shields that protect you. When you remove your guards, you’re able to be vulnerable and open, which allows him to soften and creates intimacy.

Are you ready to step into your ‘pull energy’ and stop working so hard against the flow? Do this exercise daily, and especially before a date, and you’ll feel so much better about your love life!


If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find love this year, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.

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