I’m breaking up with my SO of over 3 years this week. Let me preface by saying that I absolutely love her with all of my heart and it breaks my heart that it’s come to this, but it must be done.
When we 1st started dating I knew that she smoked pot and even though I didn’t like it, it wasn’t the biggest deal. However, about a year and a half into our relationship it was becoming bothersome to me. I had conversations with her then, in regards to her not smoking as much and she said that she would. Cool. Fine. Glad we could come to a compromise. I drank a lot, shoot, we drank a lot together and made it work.
Then the pandemic hit.
We started abusing alcohol way more frequently, getting blacked out all of the time, having sloppy drunken fights and she started smoking way more as well. Even in my drunken stupor, I was still noticing the increase in her pot smoking habits and I had completely outgrown enjoying the company of stoners. Not wanting to be a hypocrite due to my alcohol intake, I didn’t make the biggest deal out of it; but was also vocal that I wasn’t happy about it. Fast forward to October and we’ve had enough of the sloppiness. It was time to quit drinking, or at least take an extended break from it. We both agreed to not drink and neither of us have since. I’m very proud of both of us for that.
However, with sobriety came problems. It was as if we were both dating new people. We’re both dealing with our own issues that had been clouded by being intoxicated for so long, that it was extremely difficult to support each other. It was a real eye opener to how far down the bottle we were. Yet, as I remain sober; she smokes even more weed now. And I’m over it. We’ve had so many talks and arguments over her weed smoking in the last year, that I’m at my wits end. I understand that everyone’s road to sobriety is difficult and different and that it’s her body and I can’t make her quit. She claims to smoke to help alleviate her anxiety and a few other mental issues/traumas that she has, and if that were the case I’d be all for it, despite my disdain for it.
But, that’s just not the case. She’s frequently stoned. Hanging out with her stoner friends. Canceling plans that we’ve made to smoke and lying to my face about her usage. It’s gotten to the point that it’s just a huge turn off for me and I get incredibly judgemental over it and quite frankly, think less of her for it.
I’m fully against ultimatums, so I would never ask her to choose between me or pot. Especially as it seems that she’s made her choice in that regard anyways. I have no interest in even being in a relationship that requires an ultimatum. Yet, it’s become an absolute deal breaker for me.
I love this woman with everything that I have n it hurts to leave and to face the fact that she’d rather be stoned, than to have me in her life; but maybe my departure will be the wake up call that she needs. I hate to do it, but I have to. My sobriety is extremely important to me and I can’t have drugs or alcohol around me or my child anymore. I can no longer argue about it, get angry about it or be disrespected and lied to about what has become a clear core value to me. I’ve made my boundaries clear regarding this issue, but I can do no more. I have to show her some tough love and leave with love.