I’m afraid to date because I haven’t been touched in 15 years.

I’m a 32 year old female who was in a long distance relationship since I was 18. I knew my bf in real life at the time we started dating, then distance parted us and we were unable to be together. Even though we tried our hardest to make it work, it simply wasn’t feasible. Things took a turn for the worse about 5 years ago. We broke up but still tried to make things work. Alas, it did not work out and although we both love each other and would like to be together, we can’t be, so I am single.

I had my first kiss at 17. I gave my first hand job at 17. My first blowjob at 17. There was a total of 3 guys that I gave oral to or a handjob all at the age of 17. I never had sex. So yes, I am a 32 year old virgin. Due to the fact that my previous relationship was long distance, I haven’t been touched romantically, warmly, lovingly, etc in 15 years. I’ve almost become afraid of touch because I grew into an adult without having touch as part of what was normal for me. Hugs with my family are always awkward for me too. I don’t know. I think I’m afraid of it or something.

I want to be with someone. I have the desire to have an intimate relationship with someone. But I’m absolutely terrified of just stepping off the ledge and being touched and groped and god forbid have my virginity taken from me before I am comfortable enough to go that far.

What am I supposed to do? Does anyone have any advice on how to date in today’s society without me being terrified to meet people in fear of being constantly touched before I’m ready? How can I be upfront about me wanting to take things slow when it feels like every guy just wants to either receive or give sexual favors on the first date?

Idk. I’m lost. I feel lonely as hell, confused as hell, and like I’m insane. I WANT to be able to cuddle someone…and it be just that. Cuddles.

And no, I’m not disgusted by the idea of sexual intimacy. I crave it. I actually am a very sexual person for being a virgin, but it’s never in person, it’s always just over the Internet. Where it’s enough to feed my desire but not too much to where I get uncomfortable.

How do I find people willing to understand where I’m at and take it slow with me in person? I’m sure I’ll eventually be fine, I just need the time to adjust to a new form of dating which is actually having the person I’m dating live near me.


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