If the majority of popular dating experts you watch are single, and are teaching you how to NOT be single… they probably shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

I’ve been diving into online dating culture as a part of a research piece I’m doing, and have been struck by the amount of popular dating experts and life coach guru’s who have messy personal lives but are eager to dish out a step by step process of how to find your person and settle down (with a price tag of course).

Kevin Samuels, Derrick Jaxn, Susan Winters, Mark Groves, Matthew Hussey, Corey Wayne… and a multitude of others. None of them are settled with someone, married, or in love… yet manage to dish out advice on how to find the person you are looking for. Sometimes the advice given directly to callers or email requests is brutally mean… other times its unrealistic and overly romantic… and most often its about game-playing. For example “don’t call her after the first date, girls like guys who aren’t all in at the start” or “If he’s not making a commitment, tell him THIS to make him stay”.

While them being single isn’t a bad thing or a point of shame, in the context of offering people a method to settling down and finding love, it is similar to someone who is still a smoker trying to educate someone on the best way to quit smoking. Sure, maybe you have experience in the process of quitting… but if you have no consistent results to show for it, what makes your opinion worthy of my viewership, let alone an additional price tag?

This isn’t to say they are bad people, but rather, to anyone who really trusts in the content that is put online by these (typically) unqualified ‘experts’, be wary. If these self-proclaimed role models haven’t achieved the things you want in life and can’t show you proof of how their methods work through the success in their own lives, take everything they say with a grain of salt… or maybe a tablespoon.

Don’t sign up for their retreats, or programs, or invest your savings into a 2 week workshop to learn how to be a high value woman or man. Don’t buy the online booklet of “pre-written text messages to keep her interested” or “the foolproof method of how to keep him chasing”. Don’t feel bad when you are told you have “low market value” by some jerk in a suit, or that you are the “gatekeeper for sex/commitment” or even that you are “damaged goods”, “pre-owned” or on the opposite side of the spectrum “a flawless king/queen who deserves anything in the world”.

None of this is good for you emotionally or mentally. Do not pay people for basic introspection.

The process of love will always remain a complicated and messy part of the human experience. There will never be a quick fix for anything, and it will remain a game of chance where the variables change from person to person based on their personalities, life experiences, expectations and life goals.

Embrace your own path… listen less to people who are talking AT you through a webcam and if needed, sit down with a professional who can help you prepare for life’s challenges in a safe and personalized environment.

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