I wish I could deal with being single better.

As the title says is what I wanted to vent, basically.

It’s been a long time since my last relationship. I don’t really want the added complexity of a relationship at the moment. I don’t think I’m quite prepared for that right now. I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad to see or hear about others being happy and together, and I’m alone, no meaningful relationship, and a long process with no guarantees before that may happen again.

It just feels like someone twisting a knife inside me. I don’t hate them for their happiness. I feel a lot of loss when I think, “What about me?”. I know I have people who care about me. That’s not the point. There’s a real difference between a romantic connection with another person and friends, family. It’s just plain different.

It’s not like I won’t keep trying to make things better for myself. I did that for a while (gave up on life) and I don’t want to ever go back to that place. But I also don’t know how to feel anything other than sorrow when I think of being single. It feels really cold and lonely. It’s a hard feeling to deal with. And I don’t know if I can really “get over” it, I guess I just have to carry that pain with me until I do meet someone who wants to be with me. It just hurts. A lot.

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