I have accepted the dehumanization of the dating process and I’m coping a lot better. Dating is like a job hunt process.

I am not a fully fledged person with my own hopes and fears and desires. I am my height, my income, my body, and my capacity to entertain. I do not become more than this until I have earned the right.

An invested romantic partner may care, but no girl I’m going on a first, second, or even third date wants to hear about my issues, struggles, or less than attractive aspects of my personality. They want to be entertained, and only after I have provided sufficient entertainment do I earn the right to share genuine emotional intimacy.

To contrast, I didn’t let the cutthroat and dehumanizing nature of job searching get me down. My ego didn’t get bruised when a potential employer didn’t call me back; I didn’t go into a spiral of self-doubt. I didn’t go looking for validation or emotional connection from a potential employer. I didn’t double-text the HR rep of that one really cool company. I just opened up indeed.com and sent out more applications, I did adequate research on companies I applied to without seeming over-eager, I followed up at reasonable intervals, and during interviews I spent my mental energy on being astute and tactful rather than on self-doubt and anxiety.

I need to treat dating the same way. Your employer doesn’t care about your issues until after they’ve already hired you and spent resources training you, so don’t mention to them how your car is running rough and needs a transmission job during the interview!

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