TLDR; I’m a clown ?
Edit: wow… as much as i do appreciate the responses, upvotes, and awards, i am most humbled by the number of people who found resemblance to my post. spreading love is all i ever wanted to do. you are not alone. you are heard. you are loved. and most importantly, you f*cking rock. now if you will excuse me, i’ll be listening to “drivers license” on repeat for the rest of the year ?
Back in 2018, I (21F so I was 18 at the time) saw this guy (22M so he was 19 at the time) working at a restaurant. He was so cute and I was so captivated the moment he came to my table. My friends joked about it and even got his name for me and since then I just naturally developed a crush on him. From time to time I would also visit, and we would make occasional eye contact as he was walking around the restaurant. He even came to my workplace (which was right beside the restaurant he worked at) from time to time to get a drink. Even after 3 years, I still come by his restaurant to see if he’s working, though for the past year or so I haven’t seen him, so I’m assuming he already quit awhile back.
I know a lot of people are gonna say “if you liked him, then why didn’t you talk to him?” At the time, I was going through a life crisis; I had just gotten out of a relationship, I wasn’t doing too well in school, my parents were in the middle of a divorce, I was dealing with sexual trauma, etc. I was scared he wouldn’t like me because of my baggage. Then when I was thinking about talking to him, the pandemic hit.
Yesterday, I came across a picture of him with his new girlfriend. At first I laughed because I had this coming, and then eventually I started to feel down. I just feel ridiculous for convincing myself that we could ever date. This whole time, I was reserving myself for this one guy who I don’t even know and had zero interest interest in other guys. Because I was worried that if I got involved with another guy my chances with my crush would be zero. I became obsessed with the idea of becoming a “perfect person” before talking to my crush, when really “perfection” is impossible to achieve. I feel dumb for falling in love with the idea of this guy because when reality hit, I realized that this whole time I was playing myself.
Anyways, I thought I would share my story for the sole purpose of ranting, and to give these pieces of advice:
if you like someone, tell them before it’s too late
don’t fall in love with the idea of someone
your crush is NOT out of your league
you are deserving of love
you lose 100% of the shots you don’t take
Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Any advice for moving on from someone you never actually dated?