I have Covid19, and it sucks. My whole body aches like the morning after a 16hr workout, the trek from my bedroom to the kitchen feels like hiking, and 100% of the time I’ve gotten a shower I’ve ended up sitting on the floor with my head between my legs and wheezing like a 90yr old smoker. Also, I pooped in my Quidditch pjs when I coughed. Twice.
I wish I was exaggerating my experience for comedic value, but I’m really not. I haven’t been able to write a blog in three weeks because I’ve been too tired for inspiration, I haven’t been able to see clients because talking for 1-2hrs during appointments has become an Olympic sport I’m woefully unprepared for, and I have to go sit on the toilet every time I have a coughing fit… just in case. I’ve learned a lot from all of this and I’d like to shed a light on that experience. It’s been pretty enlightening for me and I hope it’s helpful to you.
Covid19 Lesson 1: You don’t want Coronavirus
Pretty obvious, yeah? But no guys… you really don’t want Coronavirus. Here are all the things that are not worth getting Covid19 for:
Sex. I’m a pretty big fan of sex. I’m a regular practitioner of the sport (the Odell Beckham of boning, if you will), and it’s a pretty important part of maintaining my emotional, mental, and physical health. Also, orgasms yo… but sex is absolutely not worth it. Do you guys know what I did yesterday? I made dinner… That was my big accomplishment. Do you know how many breaks I took during the process? Five. That’s how many times I approached the point of oxygen deprivation severe enough that I was scared of passing out.
The beach, your nieces’ birthday party, your grandmother’s wedding, graduation, or any other social gathering. I thought I was doing everything right, and I still got Coronavirus because I thought I was *safely* bypassing social distancing rules. It was my nieces’ birthday. She’s cute as hell ya’ll. Just turned 7 years old. My sister-in-law and niece had been sick, like really sick, for a few weeks- but they had been tested for Covid19 THREE TIMES and each time it was negative… so I figured I was safe. Two days after the birthday party she was rushed to the ER because she couldn’t breathe, was tested, and got a positive result…. And now the effort of changing from my daytime pajamas into my nighttime pajamas requires a 2hr nap. Social gatherings are really, really, really not worth it.
Grooming maintenance and other luxuries. OMG your hair is so out of control you HAVE to get it trimmed but you/your barber don’t want to wear a mask? Is it worth waiting in terror for 5-7 days to find out if you accidentally infected your elderly grandmother, cancer-survivor aunt, or immunocompromised mom? Trust me, it isn’t.
Covid19 Lesson 2: Believe People When They Show You Who They Are
When you find yourself in a situation in which you become dependent on the kindness of others, it can tell you a lot about yourself and your relationships. Do you have a sibling who you regularly drop everything to assist, but they’re unwilling to go to the grocery store for you? Is there an acquaintance who regularly checks in on you, or a new friend who goes out of his way to be a support system? Use this opportunity to enrich and nourish your relationship with the people who are there for you, and take a critical look at the relationships with people who aren’t.
I’m not implying that you should remove everyone from your life who doesn’t prioritize the relationship in the same way you do, but boundaries are important. If it’s a good friend, talk to them. Tell them how you feel (from a place of love, not anger), and create healthy boundaries to protect yourself and the relationship. You can love the other person and still have enough respect for yourself that you change your role in an otherwise one-sided relationship. You can still care about someone and maintain healthy boundaries. Just as importantly, make sure that you show appreciation and gratitude to the people in your life who’re there for you. (Thank you Patrick, Amalia, Brandon, Bradley, Jon, and Philip for the virtual movie nights, virtual game nights, the millions of loud coughs in your ear, keeping the poo incident a secret…sort of, and late-night Harry Potter readings. Love you guys).
Covid19 Lesson 3: Invest in yourself
Invest in yourself! What’s important to you? Like, really important? Do you give it the time and attention it deserves, or do you allow fear of failure or disappointment to keep you from giving it your all? Work towards the life you want for yourself, practice the skills you want to improve in, and create the world you want to live in (too corny?). Seriously, if you are spending more time browsing Reddit, playing video games, or binging Netflix than you’re spending on your ambitions, this is your wake-up call. Make sustainable goals, create a daily schedule to keep yourself on track, find someone you trust to be an accountability partner, and talk to people more experienced than you to learn from. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect these past three weeks, and I’ve realized that my worst enemy isn’t procrastination or lack of motivation, it’s the fear of investing in myself… and that’s stupid, because I’m perfectly capable of doing whatever the fuck I want to do- and so are you 😉
If you’re interested in learning how to date virtually during a time of social distancing, how to quickly create chemistry on dating apps, or you want to pimp out your dating profile, hit me up. You’re also always welcome to read my testimonials and get a gift card for a friend.
Be safe out there, wear a friggin mask in public spaces, and wash your hands!